Photo from Facebook

Written by Haley Darbonne

Do you ever catch yourself talking about our culture to other people outside of the community? Trying to describe the beauty and love we have for each other? Explaining to a stranger how wonderful you cherish every moment spent at a show or a festival surrounded by your loved ones? Reminiscing on memories you have made and the people you have met. Our scene is something so many know of, but not one that everyone has experienced. We take a moment and we make it a lifestyle.

But what about the struggles you have encountered? The problems you have faced or the dark places you found yourself in? What about that makes you afraid?

Within the EDM realm comes the unwanted conversation of what we do to ourselves. A downward spiral of abuse to our well being that we never think can harm us. Because we are invincible right? We are ravers for God’s sake. We take back the night and conquer every milestone put before us. However, we rage a war within, a mental one at that. We push ourselves to a place where we cannot seem to pull ourselves out of and we sometimes do nothing but make matters worse. Worse as in, where we can not undo what we have done.

Lexi Jude Photography

How often do we really come across someone openly willing to share their journey of mental health and addiction? Wanting to step forward and describe the clashing of both problems and how they have struck a chord within to make a change for the better in their life? Let us dive into one of the ugly truths to our culture. The one where we actually talk about making bad choices and dealing with the harsh consequences.

Trillvo has been given the opportunity to have DJ/producer and label manager of Crowsnest Audio, Marc Distexhe, TenGraphs explain his journey to sobriety and a clean slate with himself in the scene and becoming the man he is today.

Photo from Facebook

Trillvo: How has your mental health improved since facing addiction head on?

“My mental health has evolved immensely from the day I checked myself into rehab. From learning to practice daily self love to actively orchestrating my own mental and spiritual growth, and reducing depression and anxiety. I’ve basically managed to cover, or at least address, the majority of the facets I needed to address about my mental health. I’ve become fully aware of my traumas, have addressed many of them, and am able to identify new ones as they happen.”

Trillvo: When you were at your lowest point what did you turn to to make yourself happier? 

“Music. It’s always been my lifeline. I’d be dead many times over without it. It brought me out of the street, it brought me out of the darkest space, and it gave me a reason to get better.”


Photo by Nathen Lane

Trillvo: What finally made you realize you weren’t in a good head space for yourself?

“I woke up one day in a lukewarm bath with razor blades next to me on a heroin down. Realizing what I was trying to do, and realizing that my first response to it was more drugs. Then I flashed and realized that if I did it again I was going to die within the next 24 hours. So I checked myself into rehab the next day.”

Trillvo: How long have you been sober? And what accomplishments have you had since? 

“I’ve been sober for 4 years, 1 month and 23 days at the time of writing this.
I got out of homelessness. I created a career in music in 4 years. I learned to become a functional human being. I’ve traveled the world for music. I’ve met and gotten engaged with the most loving human being. I’ve made it onto regional news multiple times. I’ve worked and gained the support and respect of some of my biggest idols. I’ve developed true friendships. Most importantly, I’ve learned to love myself.”


Photo from Nathen Lane

Trillvo: Mental health and addiction go hand in hand now days, do you have any input on how we as society can improve this problem? As well as improving ourselves along the way?

“We need support systems publicly accessible. We need to decriminalize and remove the taboos related to drug use and addiction. We need to start believing in the decades of scientific research and proven methods to help addicts and people suffering with mental health. We need to take examples from countries like Portugal and Canada that have proper infrastructure in place to deal with issues like these. The list goes on.
But the most important thing is that the conversation needs to be had.” 


Marc Distexhe is not just another DJ with a story to tell. He is a human being with the knowledgeable understanding that with every choice we make there is not only a consequence to be faced, but an outcome to work for. An outcome that can be made for the better because two wrongs do not make a right, but making the right choice can be life-altering.

Let’s just be honest here, we have all had our times in need to realize we were in tough situations with ourselves. However, you are not alone. More people than you know battle with these same issues and same problems. Sometimes others are just better at hiding the pain they are feeling.

Take myself for instance, a couple of years ago I was just starting out in the scene, wilding out every weekend with my friends, falling further and further down the rabbit hole of substance abuse. Not giving a care in the world to what I was doing because I was never the type of person to be weak minded when it came to my mental abilities to take care of and love myself. However, I knew I went too far one time, and it only took one time to find myself lost in the darkness I created for myself. I couldn’t figure out what I did and I didn’t know how to undo what I had done. During that time, I spent my first year at my dream university not just learning in my college courses, but also trying to teach myself to not hate every aspect of who I had become. I was alone for a while too, they weren’t lying when they said college was a rough place to make friends and all my childhood friends had just taken off for new lives for themselves far away from me. Things were rough for a while.

One thing I learned from my childhood was that it takes time to get over a situation you manifested for yourself. Whether it is a year, five years, or even a decade, you will move on from what has broken you and forgive all the wrong done. So I sobered up, I washed myself of everything that made me scared of myself and I grew up. Though, I am no longer the girl I once was before all the drug abuse. I know the trouble I caused for myself and owned up to the damage I had made. I worked hard to be happy again, even if it tried to kill me.

Struggling with mental health and addiction is a battle that only the strong can handle. You constantly are at war with yourself over what is right and wrong as well what makes you feel good about yourself. You will have your bad days, but you have to remember that you are fighting for all the good days to come. You won’t always feel like the world is crumbling around you as long as YOU work toward’s a better living.

It takes one day at a time. As long as you understand it will not always be this way and one day you will find yourself in that happy place you dream about. Because it’s only a bad day, not a bad life.

Siris Hill Artwork

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Posted by:Haley Darbonne

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